All the things I should do to keep this relationship vibrant, waking in the morning whispering your name, falling asleep to your words on my lips. Lord, forgive me for forgetting sometimes, more often than not.
You gave me life, a gift I can never repay, but I should try. So, I slip in a thank you, on occasion, not enough. I whisper my prayers to you, mumble out words, forgetting what it is exactly I am meant to say. That is not a best friend, a grateful child. When I do remember to pray fully and completely, I pepper my devotion with requests, pleas, for me, for more. I leave out the important stuff, the I love you, I worship you, I adore you.
When I mention your name to my friends, acquaintances, I don’t shout, I don’t enthuse, I don’t praise you. I allude to your greatness. I mention you. I fail to exalt our bond, our alliance. I forget to acknowledge your greatness. My friends may know me but have they seen you in me. If not, once again, I failed.
Evaluating my life, my possessions I admit that sometimes you are the last on my list…Oh, right, and Christ…I focus on the earthly instead of the heavenly, your plan for me.
And I know you have one. In this is the love. See, I know there is something greater for me. I have faith that this life is temporary. I am aware that I am supposed to be preparing myself for you. My problem, my failing, is focus.
I need to focus on you. It would bring immediacy to my commitment. Focus is what I lack. Lord, I need it. Without focus, I stumble along, remembering, then forgetting. I step out of line to see if something is better on the other side. I lose sight. I jump from project to project, helping, feeding, and somewhere along the way I misplace you again.
I live in a world, no excuses, fast paced, animated. It distracts me. There is no longevity, continuity, endurance here. I am floundering. I am lost. Love, however, I have love.