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Lately I have noticed myself getting distracted during prayer. I start out with the normal script of, ‘Dear Father in heaven, thank you for this week…’ I continue on with anything I can remember and thank Him. I then start the apologizing, loss of faith, harsh words, forgotten worships. Somewhere along the way I start losing sight of why my eyes are closed and why I am musing on life. I literally just start rambling. And then when I have completely lost focus, I start humming.
It began happening several months ago. I would sense myself wandering and I would hum and the song has always been the same one, you know, the hymn, ‘Dear Heavenly Father.’ I didn’t consciously choose this, but it came naturally as I struggled for words to proceed.
I would start the prayer over and then hum again. And the funny thing is that I would never sing the rest of the words. They disappeared. But what remained was the feeling of prayer, that moment where you are finally getting somewhere, where prayer means something. It was my ‘refocus’ button.
I started thinking about why I would need to refocus. Why was I not connecting, shouldn’t I be able to talk freely with my heavenly Father. But then I realized, even as I questioned, that with everything I do I need a refocus.
When speaking with my husband about our days there are pauses where we need the right words or want to remember an especially important moment. When my kids ask me a question, I pause and think how best to answer. When I formulate an email, or write my posts, I need to zone in on what I’m trying to say.
How much more important my moments with God. And yes, I would love for the words to just flow freely from my mouth to His ears. I want us to be like best friends who prattle on and finish each other’s sentences. I hope I get there. But in the meantime, I’m getting to know Him and he knows my heart well enough to know that when I pause, when I lose sight, sometimes I’m just searching for the perfect words to let Him know just how important our time together really is to me.