Conviction on Conviction

The only thing we, as parents, really have to offer our children is consistency and conviction. They are an inseparable combination. If you know something, believe in something, you will consistently confirm these convictions.

Humans, children and adults alike, look for the inconsistencies. We don’t like being tricked. Commercials trying to sell us something we know is not good, friends betraying us, couples living a lie, we know when things don’t seem quite right. We won’t buy, remain intimate, trust anymore.

The same is true with children. They know when we are weak of conviction. When we make promises and don’t follow through. When we render punishment and don’t make it stick. We are showing our weaknesses. But we can get past these if the foundations are strong.

Sometimes I forget a promise. There are times when sending the kids to time out is more hassle and I let let the punishment go. I falter, waiver. I get distracted, I’m human and I admit it. What I don’t want to be is routinely weak. Instead I choose to be firm of conviction.

Because, sure, we can give children advice, pretend we have wisdom to impart. But in the end, what gives any of my guidance worth, is saying, ‘this is what I believe and I believe it with my whole heart.’

Kids know when we’re bluffing. They will push through the holes we leave, the place we are not sure about, anything we’re wishy-washy about. When we leave crevices, back track, they will burrow and find their own answer.

We need to set the lines and then live by them. It never works to tell a child, ‘do as I say, not as I do.’ No, let’s let them know what really matters to us, our beliefs, the fundamentals of ourselves. Otherwise we have nothing to give them at all.